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A Series of Irrational Plans by Kaxen6 A Series of Irrational Plans by Kaxen6
Villains are notoriously bad at getting people to work for them in way that don't backfire, if the heroes nearly never having to deal with 10000000000 now-unemployed henchmen is any indication... y'know, I'm surprised this doesn't break the economy... The Great Depression saw a 20%-ish unemployment rate so I'm going to assume 20% of the population out of work is enough to cause problems for a nation. And considering how pervasive the villain's forces tends to be, I'm going to assume they're the size of those "too big to fail" type companies, if they're not a kingdom of evil on its lonesome. Though maybe this is less of a problem if the villain's henchmen aren't human because humans are racist like that and you can kill monsters with reckless abandon and get away with it and goblins, orcs, demons, zombies, ghosts, and succubi don't seem to get/need a living wage beyond "rape and pillage" Though to be fair, many historical armies considered "rape and pillage" as a soldier's wage bonus... IT'S NOT WAR UNLESS YOU'VE GOT A SOUVENIR! Soldiers love souvenirs.

Though even with coercing people, there's limits to the coercion. They're supposed to be scared of you, not actively working against you or being intentionally negligent when you're not looking.

Well, coercing people into hard labor doesn't seem that hard since you can use a normal not badass person so they can't be that powerful... but coercing people who are significant quantities of badass... >_> that's treading on thin ice.


Anyway, "health insurance" might be a really stupid running gag.


Though considering that KaxenLand is a bit on the crapsack side, comprehensive insurance that isn't a scam would probably be a good idea.

Though on account the KaxenLand education system is built on brainwashing children...
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:icontzigany:
tzigany Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2010  Student General Artist
The hats. Love the hats. :XD:
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:iconraziel1981:
raziel1981 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2010
Why dont you just hire him through someone else
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:iconkaxen6:
Kaxen6 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2010   General Artist
A good assassin does his research. @_@
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:iconraziel1981:
raziel1981 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2010
Depends on how well you cover your tracks :plotting:
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:iconkaxen6:
Kaxen6 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2010   General Artist
That's true. Though I'd rather my assassin think me as an upfront person. Act like a lion think like a fox.
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:iconraziel1981:
raziel1981 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2010
It's rare to see someone with dignity :salute: but an assassins best tool is anonymity...then again I'm a person who doesn't like attention no matter what it is.But if you hire him/her doesn't that make the Hitmen rather then assassins :confused:
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:iconkaxen6:
Kaxen6 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2010   General Artist
Assassins are just murderers of important people.Hitmen are hired murderers. SO you can be both if you're hired to kill someone important
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:iconraziel1981:
raziel1981 Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2010
Assassins kill for a cause Hitmen kill for money
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:iconkaxen6:
Kaxen6 Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2010   General Artist
Killing for a cause isn't a necessary part of the definition of assassin.
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:icondeathstrikesquirrel:
deathstrikesquirrel Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2010
What, no vacation days?
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:iconspartan-3x13:
spartan-3x13 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2010
Some of those ideas from the smart guy came from the Guide to being an evil overlord didn't they? XD
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:iconkaxen6:
Kaxen6 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2010   General Artist
In roundabout way.
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:iconvuther:
Vuther Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2010
I was gonna mention that!

Either way - amusing comic that says what has to be said.
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:iconcpninjagrrl:
Cpninjagrrl Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2010  Student Digital Artist
OOH! OOH! I WANT A TRAP DOOR! GIMME! *grabbyhands*
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:iconsordcooper2:
sordcooper2 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2010  Student General Artist
"I'm installing a trap door under your chair. Don't come to work tomorrow"

XD best supervillan line in ages!
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:iconkaxen6:
Kaxen6 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2010   General Artist
Though I'm not sure if I mean to kill him with a trapdoor or kill him on his day off. :<
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:iconelliethesmuggler:
EllieTheSmuggler Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Send him to a vacation... With maneater lions.

Julius Cesare was very fond of it.
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:iconsordcooper2:
sordcooper2 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2010  Student General Artist
hm... i took it as giving him a day off so you could put in the trap door, then kill him with it
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:iconembers-are-left:
Embers-are-left Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Yay for Dictator!Kaxen- I'm glad there's another one of those.
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:icontheaceofskulls:
TheAceOfSkulls Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2010
Your comments has opened my eyes to a new business opportunity. I shall buy up all souvenir shops in a place I see about to be completely taken over, hide out the rampage, and then sell to the conquerors.

Anyways, I love that line: "I'm installing a trap door under your chair. Don't come to work tomorrow."
I can't see any flaws in plan 2, other than him befriending a doctor, getting hit by an EMP, learning who has the detonator, meeting a 14 year old with strange hair who doesn't kill him after an assassination attempt and ends up turning him to their side, or taking on two students, one of whom is loyal and the other stabs him in the back, and works for you, but is weaker than the master, more untrustworthy/psychotic, and didn't learn the final thing their master had up his sleeve and ends up killed by the other one when they have their final battle.
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:iconkaxen6:
Kaxen6 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2010   General Artist
Well, it's not souvenir shops, precisely. During WWII lots of American soldiers wanted German lugers.. it's one sexy gun.



I will employ a rotating doctor schedule so he can't get too attached to any of them before he gets a different one!

...Not sure about the EMP.

I'd have the detonator, and I'm sure I'd have bodyguards (being the best assassin doesn't necessarily mean he's a match for the best bodyguard... right? ...right?!). And if all else fails, I have a cute puppy!

I will take excessive notes on his moves and ask his students whether they know all of them before employing them in backstabbing (if backstabbing is even necessary).
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:icontheaceofskulls:
TheAceOfSkulls Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2010
...Then I need to buy as many different sorts of shops as I can, thought that's only until the shops become a brand name.


It doesn't necessarily have to be HIS doctor, just a doctor (TV has taught me that any doctor can perform complex surgeries). You might want to make certain not to mention WHERE the bomb is to prevent this.

...Nor I.

No, no, Kaxen. Remember the Evil Overlord list! Have/hire a (grand)kid to be deployed when necessary. Then have them kill him.

Also make certain that you make it clear that if they kill their master in a fit of rage, they'd best be damn certain they are ten times the man he ever was or they will not bet employed under you at anytime (and you'd hire the loyal one before the heroes got to him with the promise of revenge).
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:iconkaxen6:
Kaxen6 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2010   General Artist
Well, it's not like I'd tell him where it is. I'm not sure what crazy experimental doohickeymaddoodlybobs the KaxenLand scientists have, but I'll probably make it hard to detect.


Well, it's not like I have to kill the assassin. I just need him to work for me.
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:icontheaceofskulls:
TheAceOfSkulls Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2010
...Is it sad that I thought of some giant object coming out from behind his ear and only you noticing it?

As for the killing thing, remember this would be after he betrays you and comes for the detonator. You need an emergency kid for that (especially if the Assassin has a family himself).
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:iconkaxen6:
Kaxen6 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2010   General Artist
Not really...


Then I'll adopt the lil'est cancer patient and throw her in front of me and since she'll probably die, she'll have nothing to lose stabbing him.
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:icontheaceofskulls:
TheAceOfSkulls Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2010
The most adorable shield you'll ever own!
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:iconkaxen6:
Kaxen6 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2010   General Artist
HELL YEAH
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