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February 8, 2010
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Defense Phone by Kaxen6 Defense Phone by Kaxen6
Every dictator needs assassination prevention!

Unless you're Hitler... I'm not sure how many other people survived 41 assassination attempts... some by pure luck... some by his assassins being idiots/unprepared (one time they put a bomb on a plane, but forgot that the cargo hold would be cold and it was too cold for the explosives they used...)

According to my dad, some Chinese comic book artist managed to infuriate his boss/evil corporation (the corporation is always evil... even corporations make movies about evil corporations...IT'S A TRAP!) so they decided to chop him (...yeah...) and he saved his life with those brick-thick cell phones they used back then.

SAVED BY CRAPPY TECHNOLOGY!

Any phone that can make and receive calls and has a decent built-in camera is sufficient, IMO.

Watching old movies with cellphones in them is hilarious...

There is a difference between a bulletproof and a knifeproof depending on the type of vest. Some bulletproof vests aren't resistant to shanking!

Not sure if you'd get close enough to stab them, but y'know! THE MORE YOU KNOW
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:iconxenosplicer117:
xenosplicer117 Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2012
no way kaxen can beat rasputin
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:iconstephengoodrich98:
Stephengoodrich98 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2010
Long live dictator Kaxen!
:iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz::iconjoyplz:
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:iconsilversbrings:
SilverSbrings Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2010
Try them apples. You should see Fidel Castro, that honcho survived 638 assassination attempts, beat that Hitler.
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:iconpb-zeppelinfan:
PB-ZeppelinFan Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2010  Hobbyist
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:iconkaxen6:
Kaxen6 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2010   General Artist
Rasputin scares me
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:iconxenosplicer117:
xenosplicer117 Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2012
and to thik he survived all that
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:iconemerald-dragoness:
emerald-dragoness Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2010  Student Traditional Artist
Amen. D:
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:iconaricos:
Aricos Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2010
A bullet and knife proof phone would be pure win, but I don't know about that 50MP camera... I mean, I don't have a building large enough to warrant that kind of overkill :/.
Also, I don't want to know how positively gigantic my memorycard would have to be to house even ONE 50MP picture in superfine quality... Are you sure 50MP is the way to go? Wouldn't you rather settle for a nice and handier 25MP? :3 (Which in my opinion is still overkill, but would hold up better since the 50MP would give you a very very fuzzy picture, unless you have a HUMONGO lens of EPIC proportions. EPIC you hear, EPIC! :D)
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:iconkaxen6:
Kaxen6 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2010   General Artist
Considering how tiny memory is getting (seeing as almost every year a flash drive that is double the size of last year's is touted as the $20deal.), I don't think memory would be a problem if I throw enough scientists at the problem.

>_> And dictators like plastering posters everywhere so there's bound to be a giant building somewhere! Maybe if I take over Dubai or Taipei...
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:iconaricos:
Aricos Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2010
I concede to the memory getting smaller and more bountiful since that is true as pie (although where I'm from, technological advances are at a crawl, even in flash drive technology)... * imagines scientist piles*... Any problem can now be solved with scientist piles! I'm guessing piled scientists give off attributes of 'smart' and infuse problems with 'auto-solution' :) (How many scientist do you need to pile to change a lightbulb?)

Ooh ooh! On that account, plastering posters on the insides AND outsides of bridges, you could reach even more people! And bridges are more commonly found compared to tall buildings! You could throw Kaxen dictatorial propaganda on them! :D
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:iconkaxen6:
Kaxen6 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2010   General Artist
One... unless you wanted them to build a lightbulb changing robot...


I'll probably destroy traffic...

"Go to the Kaxen-covered bridge!"
"They're all covered in Kaxen!"
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:iconaricos:
Aricos Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2010
Of course we would want to have a lightbulb changing robot! Who wouldn't! It's a dream come true for short people without stepladders (like me)! (Oh, and the whole laziness thing of course.) (And also, a pile of one looks a bit sad :(...)

At least you'd confuse and shock your enemy with many pairs of Kaxen eyes menacingly perusing the depths of their souls...

"We tried to wage war against the dictator Kaxen, but as you can see, the results weren't stellar..."
*Ward filled with soldiers rocking back and forth* "Can't sleep, Kaxen will get me. Can't sleep, Kaxen is everywhere. Can't sleep, Kaxen knows I'm monolingual."
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:iconkaxen6:
Kaxen6 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2010   General Artist
:lmao:

I'd probably go one step above... EVERY KAXEN POSTER'S EYES WILL BE SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS!

...I learned it from a Doraemon movie. @_@
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:iconaricos:
Aricos Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2010
:lmao: Now would be a great time to put your piles of scientists to good use and get them to make you a surveillance bot in your image! Then you also won't need any bodyguards because the chance of the enemy every finding you would be pretty low, seeing how for every ONE Kaxen, there would be a gazillion Kaxen surveillance bot... And they have combat skills! And laser eyes! And stabbity pointy things! And satellite guided anti-personnel blower-uppity things! And they're multilingual! With sharks! (Yeah, I dunno why sharks... \o_o/?)
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:iconypsilonx:
YpsilonX Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2010
looooolXD
oh don't forget a multi touchscreed qwerty keyboard and a 8 core motherboard installed XDDD
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:iconjaegerofice:
Jaegerofice Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2010
Actually having knife proof youd need to have two kinds slashing and stabbing thaough for stabbing a bullte proof will suffice unless you are being stabbed from the sides of the west or from upper and lower edges. here is a perfect way to be safe. Hide inside Chalenger 2, That tank holds record of number of AT rounds fired at it without being destroyed.
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:iconkaxen6:
Kaxen6 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2010   General Artist
what's the record number?
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:iconjaegerofice:
Jaegerofice Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2010
I recall that it was around 20 direct hits from various AT weapons though the weapons all were old soviet ones so their penetration value might not be enaugh to begin with. But when comparing numbers of lost tanks Chalenger 1 and 2 are worlds only tanks that have been in combat and lost no tanks. Well if we compare it to russian T-80 in Tzetsenia, well before that war there was no records of swiss cheese made out of tanks, thats how badly they got shot but all were destroyed.

AT evolves same time with tanks. Though most small countries are often using generation or more older eguipment.
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:iconjediartisan:
JediArtisan Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I learned something :iconthemoreyouknowplz: Funny stuff.
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